You see, it all started because I have been very busy and overwhelmed with trying to find the balance in my new... much happier... life. I basically have two jobs now and I am trying to go somewhere with my food/paleo/nutrition thing and I think I started feeling like I didn't have control, I am also a major bossy pants and control freak (just ask Casey or anyone else who knows me). Then I went shopping to get my mind off things and relax and it happened gasp I went up a pant size! Now before you get all "omg I quit Paleo because I don't want to gain weight!" "I knew it was all a plot to make me fat and give me a heart attack" calm down seriously, you need to know before CrossFit and Paleo I looked like a tomato on toothpicks. My legs were stupid skinny. They needed to gain mass so I looked like I could support my upper body. I LOVE LOVE LOVE having bigger legs and an actual butt so much I ask everyone "How does my butt look?" Or saying, "My butt is SO big HUH?!?" I know that I went up a pant size because of my awesome huge butt (it's not THAT huge) and legs, but in the past the number on the tag or on the scale out-weighed everything else--no pun intended. I could go from feeling like a house, get on the scale and weight 5lbs less than I thought and the world was right again OR I could feel "skinny" and try on clothes and feel like a huge failure, it had that much power over me.
So my past was triggered and it all came rushing back to me. I have been withdrawn because I thought someone might sniff me out and that was a scary thought, I also felt like a huge hypocrite. Now I had not done anything in the way I used to, i.e. binge, punish, completely obsess, but my mind was going to that place and that made me feel like I had no right to preach the Paleo lifestyle to others. So I sucked it up and confessed my sins to my friend Sabrina because I knew I needed to vocalize it, which is something that I would and had never ever ever done before. That was a big break-though for me. I was strong enough to say it out loud before it could have a chance to spin out of control. Not this time! That night I told Casey and I have felt better ever since.
Two years ago, I would have never thought I would be in the place I am today, that's my message I guess. It is possible to overcome these obstacles and with Paleo I really don't think I would be doing it. I'm a fighter--more of a lover, but in this case I'm a fighter. I'm going to keep fighting this... probably forever but I know I can do it! I'm a work-in-progress, and we all are. None of us will ever "B" perfect and that's OK. Let's face it, if each and every one of us was perfect, life would be sooooo boring and we would never have epic stories of awesome fails to tell! Fight the good fight!
Oh yeah here's some major noms for you to try.
Oven-Baked Crunchy Okra
2 handfuls walnuts
4-5 Tbs. flaxseed meal
1 Tbs. curry powder
liberal amount of sea salt and cracked pepper